


The Sun Must Set to Rise

by mauibaybe



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Ian Gallagher, M/M, Mickey Milkovich Loves Ian Gallagher
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:40:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25236307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mauibaybe/pseuds/mauibaybe
Summary: Ian's thoughts during a depressive episode are powerful. They make him feel so alone. Like no one cares about him. He tries to remember nothing last's forever but is that just another lie everyone always tells him?OrIan's thoughts during a depressive episode plus some things I thought some people who are going through a hard time might want to hear :)
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Comments: 5
Kudos: 31





	The Sun Must Set to Rise

**Author's Note:**

> Please read before continuing!!!
> 
> First TW// This whole thing is about bipolar disorder and mental illness, so if that triggers you I suggest you don't read. 
> 
> I just want to say, I do not have bipolar disorder, nor do I know anyone who does. I wrote this off of the knowledge I have (which is not much) about the disorder. If you have or know a lot about bipolar disorder please, please, please, let me know if anything in this story is wrong or offending. I want this to be as accurate as possible, and the last thing I want to do is offend anyone who is struggling with this disorder. 
> 
> This is completely different from anything I've ever written before, but I'm pretty happy with it. My thought process for this was Ian's thoughts during an episode, but they're told by a narrator. I guess it's kinda strange but I'm not good at writing in first person. Anyway I hope you enjoy and please read the end notes. 
> 
> Also, this isn't something I would typically upload for a shameless fic, but I wanted to upload something about mental health, and how I'm here to help anyone. So, with that being said, I hope you enjoy.

The sun must set to rise. 

It must pour, in order for a rainbow to appear. 

The pain must get worse before it gets better. 

It’s the oldest story in the book, nothing lasts forever. Nothing. 

There must be dark times in life in order to have bright times. It’s just the way it works. 

No one can be happy or healthy or free forever, that’s just not the way life is. Not the way life was meant to be. 

Time. 

That’s all it takes. Time. Everything takes time. The only thing you need in order to heal is time. 

You can’t let one moment, or incident define you or your life, but that’s just how it goes. 

You take everything for granted. You beat yourself down for an unknown reason. You compare yourself to others and put yourself down, but for what? What reason? 

The thing is, life gets dark. Life gets hard and shitty. Life fucking sucks sometimes, but there is always good. 

Although, the bad in life tends to consume us, there is always something, even if it’s just one thing, that can be good. Happy. 

And Ian knows that. He knows that life is good just as much as it is bad, but right now in this moment, there’s nothing that’s good. There’s no light at the end of that tunnel. There’s no rainbow after a storm. But everyone keeps telling him. They keep saying it’ll be ok. That it’ll be over soon and everything will go back to normal. 

But will it? 

How do they know? The answer is obvious, they don’t. 

But in times like these people can only hope, but hope feels like a distant memory to Ian right now. It feels like something is a part of another life. Of another story that was ended so many years ago. 

Ian keeps reminding himself, it’ll get better, it has to, but is he lying to himself? 

I mean in the past it always has, but what if this time is different. 

What if this time Mickey actually leaves him. Mickey actually decides he can’t take it. He can’t take the pressure of being with someone as fucked up as Ian. He can’t deal with all of Ian’s bullshit anymore. 

Mickey vowed in sickness and health, but people lie, people change their minds. Was Mickey one of those people? 

And what if the rest of Ian’s siblings decide to bail? 

Fiona already did. She said it was because she wanted a fresh start, a new beginning, but what if it was because she didn’t want to deal with Ian’s bullshit anymore? What if she left because she didn’t want to see her brother turn into their late mother, who completely shattered ever Gallaghers life? 

What will happen to Ian if everyone decides to leave? Decides they can’t handle it anymore. 

At this point being on his own is Ian’s greatest fear, but at the same time it’s all he wants. 

The pain and fear of hurting the other people in his life who apparently love him is too powerful. It’s too much. 

He wants to be with Mickey right now, he really wants to, but he knows Mickey doesn’t want to be with him. 

Ian doesn’t want Mickey to see him like this. Doesn’t want the sight of Ian to run Mickey away, even though it hasn’t after many years. 

Mickey has always been there for Ian, since the beginning. Since the first time Ian was sick. Bouncing off the walls one second and bed bound the next. 

But just because he stayed this long doesn’t mean he’ll stay forever. 

Everyone in Ian’s life says they love him and they’re here for him, but people lie. And they especially lie to a fucked up mentally ill person that’s for sure. 

Ian hates it. He hates everything. 

He hates himself. He hates how everyone is lying to him. He hates how he looks and feels. He just wants it to be over. He just wants it all to end. No one would care. Everytime Ian’s like this they act like they do, but deep down Ian knows they don’t. 

Most of the time leaving all together seems like the best option. But then again Ian worries about hurting the people in his life. 

He knows they don’t love him, but what if they actually do? What if Ian’s mind was messing with him? It couldn’t when these feelings were so strong. 

There was so much going on in Ian’s head, but at the same time there was nothing at all. 

At this point Ian didn’t know what it felt like to be happy. To be free. 

Though, he was himself just a few days prior, it feels like a distant memory. 

Ian felt so, so tired. Like he’d just ran, sprinted one hundred miles. Like he hadn’t slept in a year, when he had slept for two days straight. 

Every nerve in his body was on fire but at the same time, exhausted. 

He was thirsty and tired, but didn’t know. 

Didn’t know what he wanted. 

He did know one thing. Feeling. He wanted to feel again. Anything, fucking anything. 

Ian worked himself up yet again. He was as tense as his limp, practically lifeless body could be. 

“Just breath” He reminded himself. But how can one breath when it feels like bricks are piled on your chest? 

It was the strangest feeling. Not feeling anything, but feeling everything at the same time. 

This was too much. Ian couldn’t do it anymore, he couldn’t live feeling this way, he couldn’t keep putting the other people in his life through this shit. They didn’t deserve it, no one did. 

Tears. Tears began streaming down Ian’s face as he heard the door knob gently turn. The familiar steps of Mickey followed. 

This sight made Ian a bit happier. Mickey always made him happy, but did Ian make Mickey happy? Was Mickey just staying because Ian was crazy, cause he felt bad?

“Hey man,” Mickey said, so, very gently. “Feeling any better?” The question followed. 

Ian didn’t answer he couldn’t. Not physically. But, even if he could, does Mickey actually care? He was probably just asking because that’s what you do when someone is depressed. There’s nothing else you could possibly say to someone who can’t even get out of bed. 

No, was the answer though. 

Ian did not feel better, and he was never going to. 

But then something caught Ian’s eyes. It was Mickey’s very own eyes. 

They were so blue, and so glossy. They almost looked like glass. 

They looked so soft, but so sturn. 

Mickey looked concerned though. It was an all too familiar look. One Ian wished he never had to see, but he saw it all the time. 

Looking at those eyes and the expression behind them made Ian realize. Made him realize that maybe Mickey did care. Maybe he did love Ian as much as Ian loved him. 

Everytime Mickey had that look in his eyes, he always stayed. He never left even if Ian was sick for a week. Even if Ian wouldn’t even look at him. He always stayed. 

And he looked so worried. Like he actually cared. Was there actually someone who cared about Ian? 

There had to be. Mickey did care about Ian. He never left him before, could this time really be any different? Probably not. 

Ian received a bit more energy and began thinking. 

The last time he was like this, he got better. He went back to himself. This time couldn’t be any different. 

Ian was reminded how there was always light at the end of a tunnel. There was always storms before a rainbow. There was always hard time before there was good times. And this. This moment. This feeling was no different. 

It will go away. All the pain and darkness. All the nothingness will leave. Maybe not for long, but if he can get through it this time, he can get through it one thousand more times. 

Life gets hard, but it will get better. 

The sun has to set to rise.

**Author's Note:**

> To anyone out there who is struggling, no matter what it is, please remember the sun must set to rise. Life gets tough, trust me I know, and it may seem like nothing is going to change, nothing is going to get better, but I can promise you it will. There is nothing in this world that lasts forever, and the way you're feeling is no exception. You are loved. You are worth it. You deserve the world. Don't let what other's have to say bring you down. Just be you. Do what makes you happy. Who gives a fuck what anyone else has to say. If they're so consumed in someone else's life that's on them. People judge, but that's just how people are. If you're feeling alone, I'm always here for you. And please, if you are feeling lost, or scared, or empty, talk to someone, it can be anyone. But just talk, because I know from experience it will make you feel better. And if you don't have anyone, I am always here, no matter what. 
> 
> I love you. You are worth it. You are strong. You are beautiful. Don't forget that. 
> 
> Depression hotline- 1-630-482-9696  
> Suicide hotline- 1-800-784-8433  
> Greif support- 1-650-321-5272  
> General help hotline- 1-800-448-3000  
> If you need to talk to anyone here's some hotlines, but again, I am here. 
> 
> I wanted to post something like this, but wasn't exactly sure where too. I just decided on making it a shameless fic because that's the only fandom I upload anything to. So, I know this was a bit different, but I hope you don't mind. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Please feel free to leave comments or kudos!


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